3. Blockages: unbelief

I know that you love me
And yet don’t feel a thing
I know you’re all around me
And yet I’m filled with fear

There are many blockages we can have that keep us from experiencing God’s love for us.
We probably all have them to a degree.
I’m not even sure we would be able to bear the love of God if we would feel it 100%.
Especially if we would feel guilty for our sin, it might just be too much to handle.

Turn your eyes away from me,
for they overwhelm me!

Song of songs 6:5

One of the main blockages I think is unbelief.
Faith is trust and trust is what relationships are built upon.
The same goes with God.
He so longs to communicate with us that He refuses to just give us everything without being in relationship with him.
There are still many blessings God gives to all.
The sun, the rain, food etc.
Yet the greatest pleasure and satisfaction in life comes from knowing him and experiencing his presence in a tangible way.
Nothing goes above it.
Nothing even comes close.

So what if we want him but just don’t feel him?
One day I found myself wondering if I still believed in God’s love.
I would read about it and realise at some point that I didn’t believe it anymore.
Although I once had.
Because I didn’t feel it at that moment.

We might be so used to hearing and reading about certain things especially if we believed them once, that we don’t realise we stopped believing them.
There are always new depths we can experience with God, but the key is always faith.
It’s our accesspoint.
There might be circumstances which make it hard for us to believe, and keep believing, that God is good, that He is near, and that He loves us very much.
We might believe it in theory, something like “I believe God loves everyone”. 
But in practise we might not be so sure He really cares for us. We messed up after all.
Of course we believe God loves our neighbours or those churchgoers or ministers who seem to have it all together.

It might even seem like blasphemy or sin to admit we don’t believe God loves us deep down in our heart. Especially when we are believers for a long time.
Would that not be like denying our faith?
Is it not all based upon the believe that God loves us?
Yet I believe we all have places in our heart were we doubt God’s love.
We all see things at times that make us wonder how God can allow it.
If so it means we blame God.
Just like the Israelites did in the desert.
It’s called unbelief.
And yes.
Indeed, it is sin.

I also believe that if we still get insecure because people don’t love us or approve of us we don’t fully know God’s love for us.
Because his love is enough.
We might have experienced his love to some degree.
It may even be a very large degree.
Yet if we still get wounded because of others lack of acceptance of us, we don’t fully believe in God’s love for us.

Now that is a sobering thought right?
That we all seem to be failing in our belief?
Even the most devoted ministers…

The good news is that faith is a journey.
We all start out at some point.
We may have been overwhelmed by his love.
But it was a starting point.
Not a place of arrival.

The bible talks a lot about growing our faith.
About laying hold of that for which Jesus laid hold of us.
Now what did Jesus lay hold of us for?
And what does that even mean?
First, I believe it means that Jesus bought us and saved us.
Of course the whole earth belongs to God including every single person.
But our heart belongs to him only when we accepted Jesus sacrifice for us.

He won us over.
He laid hold of our heart.
He made us his own special possession.
We are his now.
We belong to him.

Why did He do that?
So we would know his love for us and become like him.
He already laid hold of us, yet it’s ongoing.
And the more we behold him, and look at his love for us, the more we become like him.
That we’re not fully like him shows that we haven’t fully given our heart to him.
It’s relational.
All healthy relationships grow.
So we married God one day.
We may not even remember when day this was, especially if we were raised as believers.
But we are now all growing.
Growing in knowing him better and better.
Faith is still the key in this relationship.

So how do we grow in faith, if we find it’s lacking one day?
We immerse ourselves in the truth.
Faith comes by hearing.
Hearing comes by God’s word.
What does that mean?
It means that only God’s words can open our understanding.

In this case we need a deeper understanding of the cross.
After all it’s through the cross that God showed us his love.
And yet without his Spirit we can’t understand it.
So what do I do?
I spend time listening for his voice to give me understanding.
To soak in his love in his presence.

But what if I still don’t feel him?
I realised that day that I had to make a choice.
The choice to believe his words despite of my feelings.
Or rather a lack of them.
What we feel about something does not determine whether it is true.
It just says something about our perception.
We may not feel like the sun is going to shine on a certain day.
Yet it might become the brightest day ever.
With God though we have to believe in order to receive.
(for many things any way, not everything)

Believing = receiving

I really can’t make it more complicated.

If we don’t believe God and put our feelings above his words we resist him.
And God doesn’t just barge into our lives against our choice to resist him.
He wants us to choose and believe him willingly and not by force.
If we don’t feel him it’s really a sign of his kindness towards us.
But He does long for us to believe so He can overwhelm us with his love!

Now did I feel his love right away?
No I didn’t.
But at that moment when I decided I believed it I opened myself up to eventually start experiencing him again.
And it’s still an ongoing journey and I still need to daily listen for his loving words towards me.
But after that moment I gradually started to sense his soft gentle presence again.


Are there area’s in your life were you resist God?
It might be a general unbelief of his love for you.
Or it could be a more specific expression of God’s love like healing or provision.
Make the choice to believe him despite your feelings.
If your faith needs to grow in an area start immersing yourself in what the bible says about it.
Meditate on it. Read books, listen to teachings on that topic.
But the starting point is to make the decision right now that you believe it.
From there you can grow your faith.

Be blessed!

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